thSo it's been a while, I think iv'e forgotten how to type....

This is rather strange conversation we had at work today.

All I know is the last subject was Monopoly

How we get to that from the first is quite extraordinary, we really should get video cameras fitted and sell it to channel 4

So then shemales, ladyboys, transgendered whatever you like to call them, im sure some of you know they a rather big niche in the adult industry, its also rather amusing!

BUT

I ask you all would the niche be as popular if say they were gentlemen with vaginas???? or men with tits???

Iv'e read that some men that are scared of coming out as gay so they hook up with these transgender folk have sex with them and think it's fine it's a woman penetrating me. 

I hold nothing against these people each to your own I say but would the same man have sex with a man who has a vagina?? 

Answers on a postcard please!!

Somehow we got onto monopoly from this

Strange huh??

So if there is anyone out there who works in tv and would a live kitchen to secretly film then please let me know!

That's all for this time guys
See you soon
Simon
x

Bad Sentence Structure

A little while since my last post.

I've had nothing worth writing about.

So let us press on.

As you may know I work in a restaurant so with that goes waitresses, we employ a few girls who go to university, you know the type!

This one girl told me she had read my blog, and giggled about it found it rather amusing,

and then said I have no sentence structure at all, now I don't even know what this is, I left school a good 5 years ago.

She didn't tell me what this was.

Days later we're talking about out common interest in Harry Potter and our excitement about the upcoming film! We've done the classic Potterish things read all the books over and over whenever a new release is out.

She was surprised I read books, because as a chef I'm an illiterate fuck wit or so the overall view is apparently.

I made the silly mistake of saying it was my favourite collection of literature and its power over generations the world over.

BUT

Apparently Harry Potter is not literature as it also lacks sentence structure!

I still don't understand this.

Oh well J.K. Rowling has done pretty well from her lack of sentence structure, don't ya think?

Maybe I'll have the same future,

And on that note

I bid you a good evening

Simon x

A Rather Genius Plan Of Genocide

Warning this is not for the faint of heart or strongly opinionated people!!
But read it all the same...
It's in regard to 3rd world countries and the help they need

We all see the adverts on TV
We all say deep down in our sordid stomachs of injustice "GET OF MY TV SCREEN!!"
For anyone that cares about them I apologise
But Its the fault of their own governments generations before them that got them into this mess by squandering all the resources and aid given freely.

So yesterday afternoon me and colleague (who has asked to be referred to as Colonel Lee) returned to work and he says to me
"Slim I've got a plan for the 3rd world countries!"
"awwh yeah what's this then??"
"Well i was watching TV and one of those ridiculous adverts for starving Africans came on, the ones about how 24,000 children die a minute from starvation, disease and shit like that"

Now that's not much of a life to lead is it, I know for a fact I wouldn't want to be bought into that mess, all it takes is contraception, which they cant get.....

Colonel Lee goes on to say
"Now my plan is to make them infertile, twist their tubes, snip their balls or whatever, Because if you think about it do it to a few of them and with their shite life expectancy alot of them will be dead soon enough anyway. Then say 40-50 years down the line they'll all be dead hey presto problem solved, now I think this is a cracking idea but my girlfriend has said its genocide, because I'd be wiping out an entire population."

Now that is true but its a cracking plan to say the least.

"But i reckon after they're all gone, all the money this nation has plowed into the various charities we can have it all back then pump it into our own economy therefore ending our recession!!"

Yet again a massive plus for us so far its a success apart from the whole genocide accusations.

"If its a hit, I'll take to the council estates of the country where there's all these teen getting knocked up with 6 kids and being a drain on our society and say know your not allowed. Eventually everyone will think I'm a genius and worship statues of me have me on a poster.

Me "Is that when you rule with an iron fist?"

Lee "Pretty much bro pretty much!"

Me "Well I've always prefered communism and dictatorship anyway."

I hope you enjoyed that
Feel free to tarnish this page with a nasty word if you must.

See you all soon

Simon x

A Tale Of A Heinous Crime

Now tonight my place of employment was the victim of a crime
So much so I couldn't wait to tell you all
I shall include as much interesting transcript as possible  for the enjoyment of your reading!

Now for the start of this tall tale.....

Me and my fellow co-worker we will call him Jdilla for secuity purposes
We were standing at the top of the stairs after finishing a rather uneventful shift we were changed and decided to a small drop of liquor a cranberry juice for me (im not much a fan of drinking these days)

All of a sudden the waitress burst threw the door at the bottom of the stairs
"Where's chef, Is he up there" she asks frantically
"No he's popped to the bin area i think" i replied in a confused fashion

So myself and Jdilla made our way down the stairs and into the main restaurant and bar area
Through the doors straight away we see a rather well built, bald chap standing tall, over a seated foreign,
I took this foreign fellow to be of Turkish origin from his hair and skin tone and quite bushy facial hair just a moustache mind you though!!

Between the two aforementioned men was a crowd of three other men
From what i saw I thought "well bugger me old boy i fear there may be a show of fisticuffs!"
because of this crown we had to take the long way round to the bar
once round the barkeeps girlfriend then divulged the full details of what had happened before we entered the room.

She went on to say this....
"the foreign guy over there entered the place with another guy his accomplice i assume, they scouted the few tables left, and picked the one he's sat at now, he went over took out some cards and started talking very fast to them both he then took a seat uninvited spread the cards over the table and continued trying to sell them to the people there despite them saying no he finally gave up but not before he managed to slip the mans phone into one of the cards and try to walk off, rather quickly the man had noticed what happened and confronted the foreign chap, of course he denied all knowledge of it happening the barman called up the old bill, this is when the three other guys strolled over to 'keep the piece'"
Which they did rather well i assume from the lack of bloodshed!

Now this when a parade of police officers entered the establishment, when i say a parade i'm not exaggerating  on a pair here i promise i swear there was actually seven officers that arrived to the scene of this petty crime we call theft in our backwards society!

And the questioning began.....

Many minutes went past before me and Jdilla decided this would be a good time for a cigerette, we walk outside to where the carpark and garden was, and the first thing we see is a flaming riot van!!! not a astra or compulsory corsa a flaming massive Riot Van!!!
We sit down shortly followed by the police officers, the foreign man, and shortly after the bald man/ poor victim!!
The bald man then says to the officers by the way guys you should do him for three different crimes!
1- theft
2- touting goods
3- begging (apparently he went on to ask for a train fare!!!)

He chats some police chit chat waffle!!
This is when we find out the man was a off duty police officer himself
So its obvious this man must've had a pair of absolutely massive balls!!
No only did he choose a well built man but he was a bloody policeman as well!!

Obvious to say the man was told he would be arrested, he can't believe this
He states he has done nothing wrong!!
The flaming cheek of him
What impetuousness!!!

I honestly was shocked to the core of my body with this event

I hope this has been of pleasant reading to you all

I bid you farewell and goodnight

Until the next time

simon x

A Somewhat Delayed Introduction

Well where do i start 

i guess names are always good i wont use an alias ive nothing to hide or fear from any of lifes superiors 

So i am Simon Harper 

currently im 21 from northampton UK, and residing in hertfordshire

Im a full time chef

So maybe this will fill up with cheffy anecdotes!!

I love video games, old or new, not an Xbox kinda guy all on a PS3 thing!! and of course Nintendo

So if you like we can talk music, games or food im easy!! like my eggs 

simon

x 

Im just a French knickers kind of guy

So here i am with the great debate of women's underwear now i work in a kitchen as a chef we have many un-toward discussions and debates about general items of life and the universe.

The one topic that creeps out of the wood work rather often is the great underwear debate
is it
big knickers
girl boxers
French knickers
thongs or
g-strings

Now I'm not fond of thongs or g-strings, even if I place myself into a woman's mind I just cant see how they are comfortable I mean really a piece of fabric riding up your erm for lack of a better phrase 'ass-crack'
girl boxers for me are never going to work out! lets face it boxers are for guys, lets try and keep it that way huh???

Now the big knickers i love them there is a certain mystery about them, they cover everything up

will it be good
will it be bad
what will the outcome be!!
id say its a good 50/50 split on that!

So then my personal preference is obviously french knickers
especially with the lace lining and made from that oh so soft satin!!
fantastic to the touch and great on the eye!!

if anyone reads this thank you!!
feel free to comment your favourite type!!

simon
x

The Waging Of An Internet Browsing War

So ever since I've surfed the internet I have been an avid Firefox user 

practically had an orgasm when Firefox 4 was released 

But now I have burned my Mozilla alliegences and I'm now using the Much anticipated Google Chrome

I wont lie I'm dam impressed auto integration fast paced i mean faster than Usain Bolt im impressed

sorry firefox you just cut it anymore

chrome nice to meet now lets do this

simon x